What’s really more important: learning how to read or learning how to be a functioning member of society?
This is a question I’ve wrestled with more than once, usually in the middle of a school day, surrounded by kids who are doing their very best.
What matters more?
Teaching a child how to read, or teaching them how to manage their emotions, build relationships, and function as part of a community?
For a long time, I felt like I had to choose because of the time constraints and academic expectations we have as teachers. And honestly, the pressure to choose made me uncomfortable. It didn’t feel like I was winning by not doing both. But also, doing both felt unrealistic.
The Problem With Treating This Like a Choice
If you spend any time in a classroom or teaching at home, you already know this. Learning does not happen in a vacuum.
Kids don’t leave their feelings at the door when it’s time for phonics. Frustration shows up during blending. Anxiety shows up when a word feels hard. Confidence or lack of it shows up when a child is asked to read out loud.
At the same time, emotional skills alone do not open doors. Literacy gives kids access. It gives them independence. It gives them opportunities later in life that we cannot ignore.
When we frame this as “reading vs emotional skills,” we’re creating a false problem that kids end up carrying.
The Power of Learning How to Read
Reading is foundational. I believe that deeply.
Learning how to read gives children:
- Access to information and ideas
- Independence in school and beyond
- Confidence in their own abilities
- Long-term opportunity in academics, careers, and daily life
I am trained in structured literacy and phonics instruction for a reason. Strong decoding skills matter. Explicit teaching matters. Practice matters.
But what I’ve learned from years in the classroom is this: reading instruction is also one of the most emotionally charged parts of a child’s school day.
The Pressure Kids Carry While They’re Learning
Some kids catch on quickly. Others struggle quietly. Some struggle loudly.
I’ve taught students who could decode beautifully but shut down the moment they made a mistake. I’ve taught students who were kind, thoughtful, and emotionally aware, but felt defeated because reading didn’t come easily to them.
The emotional experience of learning to read shapes how kids see themselves as learners. If we ignore that piece, we miss something important.
The Purpose of Teaching Emotional Skills
Emotional regulation and social skills are not “extras.” They are life skills.
Kids who can manage emotions are more likely to:
- Persist through challenges
- Repair relationships after conflict
- Advocate for themselves
- Function in group settings
- Show up reliably in school, work, and community life
These skills matter just as much as academic ones when it comes to long-term success. Employers care about them. Communities depend on them. Families feel the effects of them every day.
The problem is not that schools or parents don’t value emotional skills. It’s that they’re often treated as something separate from real learning.
The Problem With Separating SEL and Academics
In many settings, emotional learning is scheduled in a short block or addressed only when behavior becomes a problem.
Phonics happens over here. Feelings happen over there.
But kids don’t experience learning that way. Emotions are present during reading instruction whether we plan for them or not.
When a child feels overwhelmed, discouraged, or unsafe, it affects their ability to learn. When a child feels capable and understood, learning becomes more accessible.
Once I really understood that, I stopped trying to choose which mattered more.
The Philosophy Behind Feelings-Based Phonics
I didn’t create Feelings-Based Phonics to be trendy or cute. I created it because I wanted a way to teach reading that acknowledged the emotional reality kids bring with them.
The goal was simple:
Teach phonics clearly and explicitly, while also giving kids language for how learning feels.
Using feelings alongside phonics:
- Normalizes struggle
- Builds emotional vocabulary
- Supports regulation during challenging tasks
- Helps kids stay engaged instead of shutting down
Feelings are not a distraction from learning. They are part of it. For more on using FBP in the classroom, read this post.
The Practical Benefits for Homeschoolers and Classrooms
For homeschool families, combining phonics and emotional awareness can:
- Reduce power struggles
- Build connection during learning time
- Make reading practice feel safer and more human
For classrooms, it can:
- Support students with diverse learning needs
- Create shared emotional language
- Reduce shutdown and escalation
- Allow more time for actual instruction
This approach does not replace solid teaching. It supports it.
Read: What Does a Complete Phonics Lesson Look Like?
The Point Is Not Perfection, It’s Preparation
I want kids to read well. I want them to enjoy books. I want them to have access to opportunity.
I also want them to manage frustration, work through challenges, build relationships, and contribute meaningfully to their communities.
Those goals are not in conflict.
When we teach reading and emotional skills together, we prepare kids not just to pass tests, but to function in real life.
That’s why I stopped choosing sides.
That’s why I teach both.
To learn more about integrating SEL into your phonics curriculum, check out the related posts below.